Fafnir The Dragon

While the world watched President Obama announce that he will be sending 30,000 more troops to Afghanistan, a small town mayor in the heart of Tennessee saw a far more sinister plot emerging.  Holding his wife and children close, Mayor Russell Wiseman of Arlington Tennessee could only gasp in abject horror as “the conspiracy uncoiled before my eyes like a deadly serpent poised to strike at the heart of America.”

When it was done, the mayor rushed to his computer and promptly posted his findings on his Facebook page to anyone who would listen.

“Ok, so, this is total crap, we sit the kids down to watch ‘The Charlie Brown Christmas Special’ and our muslim president is there, what a load…..try to convince me that wasn’t done on purpose,” wrote the mayor.

In response, one viewer asked why the Mayor wasn’t instead doing his patriotic duty by watching the President outline America’s plan for winning the war that Mayor Wiseman’s party started, particularly in light of endless Republican claims that Obama would be “soft on terrorists and the war.”

“You Obama people need to move to a muslim country…oh wait, that’s America….pitiful.” Mayor Wiseman replied.

It was then pointed out to Russell that America’s status as a “muslim country” was somewhat hampered by the fact that a mere .08% its population is Muslim and that there are in fact, almost as many Americans who worship the Flying Spaghetti Monster as there are those who pray to Allah.

“Don’t try and confuse the issue!” Wiseman snapped.  “Charlie Brown was only the first victim, but as Obama’s master plan unfolds, we will start to see other fictional characters disappearing; Superman, Santa Claus and even Jesus himself!”

The Arlington mayor then unveiled his counter-insurgency plan.

“Since Charles Schultz is deceased, I have enlisted the aid of Christian cartoonist Jack Chick to animate my own Peanuts Christmas special, set during the Crusades and titled, “Death To The Heathens, Charlie Brown!”  That’s right, the whole Peanuts gang will show everyone the true meaning of Christmas or failing that, slaughter them like cattle!   We will be sneaking it into local television stations who will then play it at unscheduled times so as not to tip our hand to the Muslim overlords who watch us from their secret headquarters at the heart of Mount Doom!”

When asked what he hoped to accomplish with this tactic, Wiseman replied, “We want to take things back to a simpler time when ONLY property owners could vote.  If things were still like then everything would be different……..”

Wiseman was then informed that a government where personal rights are based upon wealth is actually an autocracy and the very thing that the Founding Fathers fought and died to get away from but by then the mayor was busy using his decoder ring to send a secret message to fellow Republican Michelle Bachmann about the latest movements of the Illuminati.