In her ongoing effort to become even more universally despised than her father, Liz Cheney released a video in which she accuses 911 widower Ted Olsen of sympathizing with Al-Qaeda for defending lawyers assigned to Gitmo detainees.  Olsen’s wife Barbara, was aboard American Airlines Flight 77 when it was hijacked and flown into the Pentagon on September 11th.  Mr. Olsen has publicly stated that his wife’s death has been the main reason why he has defended the right of Due Process “for everyone,  including the very people who are seeking to destroy those freedoms here in America.”

“Ridiculous,” exclaimed Liz Cheney  as she lounged in a tank of formaldehyde containing the pickled brain of Joe McCarthy.  “Everyone knows that laws are decided by the people in power and as my father once said, ‘I am altering the deal, pray I don’t alter it any further.’”

Ms. Cheney then paused to drain the blood from a puppy before continuing.

“What’s worse is that he’s using family as his excuse!” she said.  “We Republicans know the value of family,” she said.  “Family is about sitting in the cold, repressive light of a bunker, silently eating dinner while glancing across the table with loathing at the hunched-over goblin who never came to a single one of your school recitals,” she said.  “It’s about that gnawing, unanswered need for approval mixed with the urge to ram a bottle opener through his eye for that time he made you spend a week in the outhouse for forgetting to call him ‘Mogar the Overlord ‘ in front of his new girlfriend.  Yes, we Republicans know the satidsaction of slipping a little bit of lead into his coffee each day, year after year and patiently waiting for that sixth heart attack to set us free and no foreign terrorist is going to take that away from us!”

The video, released through Cheney’s advocacy group, “Keep America Safe,” plays sinister music and flashes computer-generated images of Democrats clubbing baby harp seals as it explains to the viewer that there is a conspiracy of lawyers known as the “Al-Qaeda Seven” that are seeking to unleash terrorists upon America and legalize pedophilia.

In response to Ms. Cheney’s question of, “Who are the Al-Qaeda Seven” a ten-year old with a homemade computer and dial-up connection to the Internet spent a total of 5 seconds and Googled the “super-secret list of names” which are listed below:

Tony West and Beth Brinkmann of Morrison and Foerster, Joseph Guerra of Sidney Austin, Jonathan Cedarbaum and Eric Columbus of WimlerHale, Tali Farhadin of Debevoise & Plimpton and Karl Thompson in Tony West and Beth Brinkmann of Morrison and Foerster, Joseph Guerra of Sidney Austin, Jonathan Cedarbaum and Eric Columbus of WimlerHale, Tali Farhadin of Debevoise & Plimpton and Karl Thompson in the Office of Legal Counsel.